The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You're a disaster
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