Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
me + whiskey = a bad person
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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