You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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