well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
