There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
