I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
