my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize