Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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