tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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