yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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