A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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