She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
