Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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