im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
