Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
