Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
