I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
