Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
