Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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