Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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