No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
