I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
