I can text with my tongue
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
barbara walters just said penis...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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