opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
