Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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