Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
