apparently the secret to your success is patron
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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