why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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