The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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