I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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