I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I did not marry a roomba.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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