New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
