I heard we made out
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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