i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
