last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
