Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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