In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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