Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
