BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
