Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
