Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
bring money and cleavage
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
