Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
