Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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