Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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