Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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