Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
