dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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