Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize