It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
