my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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