Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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