do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
