omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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