I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
