nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
did i walk over a car last night?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
