I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
