Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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