how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
