so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize