I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We talked him into tasing himself.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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