I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i drank out of a bidet.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
