maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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