you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
