im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
