I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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