Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
