haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
