you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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