The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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