Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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