I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
