i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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