If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
