Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
