I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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