I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize