It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
