Is it normal to miss your booty call?
farters have to be the big spoon...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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