Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
