Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
