yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
