so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
