You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
