i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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