theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Randomize
