She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
