so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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