I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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