Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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