do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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