I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
