Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
