I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize