Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
