I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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