i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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