whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
