pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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