upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
