can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
