the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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