wrigley field is MILF paradise
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
