I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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