I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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