I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
