Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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