i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
