i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
