Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
