I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
