I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
