I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
