Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
