is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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