his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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